Most people are not held back because they lack ability, insight, or effort.

They are held back by ways of seeing the world that once made life work.

These ways of seeing are not conscious choices. They are meaning making systems. Quiet internal frameworks that shape how we interpret success, safety, responsibility, and who we believe we need to be. Over time, they become familiar and dependable. They help us cope, belong, and perform.

Until they begin to feel tight.

From a positive psychology perspective, this is not a flaw. It is a natural outcome of being human. Our minds are designed to create stability and reduce uncertainty. We organise our experience into patterns that make life predictable and manageable.

The challenge is that these patterns do not automatically evolve as we do.

When the World Hasn’t Changed, But You Have

Jennifer Garvey Berger’s work in adult development offers a helpful lens here. She describes adult growth not as gaining more skills, but as increasing the complexity of how we make sense of our world.

In earlier stages of adulthood, meaning making is often shaped by external structures. Expectations, roles, and rules provide clarity. We measure ourselves against standards that feel solid and shared.

Later, many people experience a subtle shift. What once felt grounding can begin to feel restrictive. There is often a growing awareness that the rules you have been living by no longer fully fit, even if they once served you well.

This is when people say things like:
“I feel unsettled, but I can’t explain why.”
“I’m doing everything right, but it doesn’t feel right anymore.”
“I know something needs to change, but I don’t know what.”

According to Garvey Berger, this tension is not a problem to solve. It is a sign of development. It signals that the way you are making meaning is evolving.

Perspective as the Gateway to Growth

From a VantageProof lens, growth begins with perspective, not action.

Positive psychology supports this. Sustainable wellbeing is strongly linked to psychological flexibility, self awareness, and meaning. When people can step back from their assumptions and see them as constructions rather than truths, their world opens up.

Garvey Berger describes this as moving from being inside our meaning making to being able to see it. When this happens, we gain choice. We are no longer unconsciously run by the rules we once needed.

This does not mean abandoning responsibility or stability. It means relating to them differently.

Common patterns people begin to notice include:
• Defining themselves through roles rather than values
• Prioritising certainty over aliveness
• Avoiding ambiguity even when growth requires it

These patterns are not wrong. They were once adaptive. The question is whether they still reflect who you are becoming.

What Leaning In Really Looks Like

Leaning into development does not require dramatic change or reinvention. More often, it begins with allowing a pause.

A pause to notice what feels effortful.
A pause to question inherited definitions of success.
A pause to acknowledge that your inner world has grown more complex.

Garvey Berger’s work reminds us that adult development is not linear or fast. It involves learning to hold multiple perspectives at once. To tolerate uncertainty without rushing to closure. To stay curious rather than defensive when old answers stop working.

Positive psychology reinforces this. Growth at this stage is less about striving and more about integration. Integrating experience, emotion, identity, and meaning into a broader, more flexible way of being.

When perspective shifts in this way, behaviour follows naturally. Decisions feel less forced. Energy becomes available again. Life feels less like something to manage and more like something to inhabit.

Growth Is Not a Crisis

This phase is often mislabelled as dissatisfaction or burnout.

In reality, it is often maturity.

Garvey Berger speaks to the idea that adult growth involves outgrowing certainty. Positive psychology reminds us that wellbeing is not the absence of discomfort, but the ability to meet ourselves with compassion as we change.

This is not about becoming someone new.
It is about seeing yourself, and your life, through a wider lens.

What once held you together may now be holding you back.
Recognising that is not failure.
It is awareness.

From a VantageProof perspective, growth does not come from pressure or urgency. It comes from insight. When perspective expands, choice expands. And with it, the capacity to live in a way that feels more aligned, spacious, and true.

If you find yourself in a season where things feel subtly misaligned, it may not be something to fix or push through.

It may be an invitation to let your way of seeing evolve.

~ Vantage Proof Consulting, Jan 2026.